Friday morning--back at the cemetery May 12, 2006
Friday morning--back at the cemetery
May 12, 2002 was the day Pam died--Mother's Day that year. It's customary in the Jewish religion to commemorate the anniversary of a loved ones' death by lighting a candle on the evening before; this is because Jewish observances (holiday or otherwise) all begin at sunset. I couldn't light a candle in the hotel, but did want to recite the Mourner's Kaddish again and spend time reflecting on the many wonderful moments Pam and I shared in our nearly 10 year marriage. I asked Rae-ann to join me once more, and we headed out early to the cemetery. At the gravesite, I read from the prayerbook I'd brought with me--there were a number of prayers and psalms that were significant to us during her long struggle, that remain so today to me, and that seemed especially powerful when recited in Jerusalem, standing at the foot of her tombstone. Sometimes it seemed as if the ever present Jerusalam wind had a mind of its own, as my words and tears were carried into the morning air. Perhaps Pam was trying to ease the pain, as was so often her wont throughout her life. Perhaps she was giving me a sign of approval that I was able, finally, to openly share my grief in such a personal setting with another woman. Perhaps she was telling me it was okay to love again (something I'd known for some time). My inclination was to believe all of these--and a sense of peace and gratitude swept over me. Together, Rae-ann and I recited the Kaddish and after lingering a few moments, made our way back to the car.
May 12, 2002 was the day Pam died--Mother's Day that year. It's customary in the Jewish religion to commemorate the anniversary of a loved ones' death by lighting a candle on the evening before; this is because Jewish observances (holiday or otherwise) all begin at sunset. I couldn't light a candle in the hotel, but did want to recite the Mourner's Kaddish again and spend time reflecting on the many wonderful moments Pam and I shared in our nearly 10 year marriage. I asked Rae-ann to join me once more, and we headed out early to the cemetery. At the gravesite, I read from the prayerbook I'd brought with me--there were a number of prayers and psalms that were significant to us during her long struggle, that remain so today to me, and that seemed especially powerful when recited in Jerusalem, standing at the foot of her tombstone. Sometimes it seemed as if the ever present Jerusalam wind had a mind of its own, as my words and tears were carried into the morning air. Perhaps Pam was trying to ease the pain, as was so often her wont throughout her life. Perhaps she was giving me a sign of approval that I was able, finally, to openly share my grief in such a personal setting with another woman. Perhaps she was telling me it was okay to love again (something I'd known for some time). My inclination was to believe all of these--and a sense of peace and gratitude swept over me. Together, Rae-ann and I recited the Kaddish and after lingering a few moments, made our way back to the car.
posted by Scottland at 6:14 PM
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